Las Vegas, NV
May 20, 2020
Garrison Keillor hits Las Vegas with a new solo show!
April 18, 2020
Garrison Keillor comes to the Rochester Civic Theatre for a night of stories, songs, poetry, and humor. Tickets $50 and up
February 19, 2020
Garrison Keillor with Heather Masse at the Dakota. Night 2 of 2. Tickets $30+
February 18, 2020
Garrison Keillor with Heather Masse at the Dakota. Night 1 of 2. Tickets $30+
I am told it comes down to the heart
And the numbers you see on your chart
And your gene pool
That determine when you’ll
Pack up your bags and depart.
I spoke to an old friend the other day who is 89 and will go see his cardiologist next week but knows there’s not much to be done, his shortness of breath gets worse and worse, and though he still loves life, he doesn’t want to prolong it beyond a certain point that he feels is approaching. “People live too long,” he said. “When it’s time to go, I want to get out. I told my doctor that.” I told him that I have the solution to his problem. I’ve just put the finishing touches on my new novel and I promised to send him a copy. It’s so funny that he won’t be able to live through it. Somewhere midway through he’ll laugh himself to death, a humor-induced coronary. He laughed long and hard at that. He said it was the best laugh he’d had all day. I said, “There’s more where that came from.”
This has given me a whole new perspective on my career. Face it – when you’re 77, you’re not talking to teenagers anymore. You’re dealing with the dementia demographic. I did a show once in Seattle where a man died. It was an outdoor venue, Marymoor, and he was sitting with his wife right in the front row. He was leaning against her, then he lay with his head in her lap and I thought he was just resting, but during intermission the EMTs came and carried him out. He’d died listening to me talk. So I’ll spend my twilight years writing comic novels intended to usher people my age into the next world. It’s a high aspiration, ushering. I say, “Exit laughing.”