Columns
From the New York Times, Time magazine, and the complete Chicago Tribune syndicated columns
From the New York Times, Time magazine, and the complete Chicago Tribune syndicated columns
These are troubling times for all of us who love this country, as surely we all do, even the satirists. You may poke fun at your mother, but if she is belittled by others it burns your bacon. A blowhard French journalist writes a book about America that is full of arrogant stupidity, and you […]
Read MoreIt’s been four years since Richard Reid attempted to set fire to his explosive shoes on that Paris-Miami flight, and thanks to him we still do our little dance in stocking feet through airport security, a testimony to the power of the individual to gum up the works for millions of others. Eventually somebody will […]
Read MoreThat big low-fat-diet study that was front-page news a week ago has blown over now, and people are back to spreading butter on their bread and still feeling good about themselves. What the study said (in case you’ve forgotten) is that grandmas who eat fudge sundaes don’t face significantly greater risks than grandmas who eat […]
Read MoreThe headline of the AP story was BUSH URGES CONFIDENCE IN HIS LEADERSHIP – which is like AUTHOR SAYS MEMOIR IS TRUE or FEMA OFFERS CONTINGENCY PLAN – and I didn’t bother to read further. The Old Brush Cutter never got the knack of urging, and whenever he tries, he looks small and petulant, like […]
Read MoreIf the National Security Administration is monitoring my phone calls for quality assurance (and why shouldn’t they be?) they’re no doubt puzzled over conversations that go like this: ME: Hi. Just me. HER: Where are you? ME: On my way home. HER: You’re calling from the car? ME: Right. HER: You coming straight home? ME: […]
Read MoreI wake up and bounce out of bed in a pleasant mood and then notice that I can see my breath. There is frost on the bathroom mirror and a thin sheet of ice in the toilet. So I trot downstairs and turn up the thermostat. I like the house to be cozy, as if […]
Read MoreIt’s good to know how to lie, and lie effectively, so you can go backstage after the high school production of “The Crucible” in which your friend’s daughter mumbled her lines and stood like a fencepost, trying to look horrified and looking drugged instead, and now here she is, fluttery, ashen-faced, perspiring, and you say, […]
Read MoreEverything was said that could be said about Ariel Sharon last week as he lay in a coma except the one thing that crossed the mind of every viewer watching newsreel footage of the prime minister, which was, “How much does that man weigh?” (Answer: 255 pounds. And he’s five-foot-seven.) He looked like a bull […]
Read MoreTROMSO, Norway – I began the new year as a sick man in a rather small space. It was a good solid cold, the sort of cold I usually catch just before a vacation – sore throat, stuffed head, racking cough – and the space was a middle seat, row 10, on a flight from […]
Read MoreA winter afternoon of soft gray light and then the snow comes, snowflakes descending through the cone of light from the streetlamp, a majestic stillness falling on the city, a lovely moment in life. Lighted windows of the big frame houses along the street and the shush of tires in the snow, and I put […]
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