Columns
From the New York Times, Time magazine, and the complete Chicago Tribune syndicated columns
From the New York Times, Time magazine, and the complete Chicago Tribune syndicated columns
It’s time for recombobulation, after this long-running smash-hit presidential campaign, which you have enjoyed to the hilt and don’t deny it. Never been anything like it. The hulking duke of darkness, the nasty lady in white. Goodbye, high school civics. Hello, Shakespeare. But now we must deal with serious business, such as the foolishness of the Smithsonian wanting to spend $300,000 to preserve Dorothy’s ruby-red slippers from “The Wizard of Oz.” (No, no, no, no, no. They’re only shoes, folks. If you want to see them, watch the movie and Judy Garland will click the heels together. Spend the money to sweeten the retirement plans of museum guards.) And we must deal with Bob Dylan and his attitude toward the Nobel Prize in Literature, and will he go to Stockholm in December?
Read MoreThis election is winding down, thank heaven, and barring a bombshell backstage video in which Hillary Clinton is heard talking about how she loves to stroll into a men’s room and let out a whoop and yank the waistbands of men at the urinals and yell “Snuggies!” the outcome is in sight, and finally we’ll be done with Nate Silver and Politico and RealClearPolitics and the ranting and raving on YouTube and the borderline psycho posts on Facebook by people we wish we weren’t related to, and we can get back to real life.
Read MoreThis was the week the man
Changed his mind about mass deportation.
There will not be a total ban
Of Muslims, only extreme filtration.
The bigger the losses, the more he earns.
Airline, Trump U, and casinos
All went belly-up but he knows
Loss is gain. My projection:
He’ll make money from a lost election.
Garrison Keillor is an author and radio personality.
He questioned the president’s birth
To help the president make clear
That he was not born elsewhere on Earth
But was born here.
I know, it seems outrageous, But it’s getting a lot of attention on some very respectable Web pages — which mainstream media won’t mention: Donald Trump was not born in Queens, He was born in the Philippines, In a hotel in downtown Manila. Where his hair turned bright vanilla Due to vitamin deficiencies. Read the […]
Read MoreI saw Hillary Clinton once working a rope line for more than an hour, a Secret Service man holding her firmly by the hips as she leaned over the rope and reached into the mass of arms and hands reaching out to her. She had learned the art of encountering the crowd and making it […]
Read MoreThe sight of Percherons makes me happy. So do deep-fried cheese curds, newborn lambs and those designer chickens with feathery pompom anklets, and then you enter the Horticulture Building and see pumpkins the size of studio apartments, large enough to house a man and his wife, so today I am happy, having attended the Minnesota […]
Read MoreThe cap does not look good on you, it’s a duffer’s cap, and when you come to the microphone, you look like the warm-up guy, the guy who announces the license number of the car left in the parking lot, doors locked, lights on, motor running. The brim shadows your face, which gives a sinister […]
Read MoreLife is good if you have your health and not all bad even if you don’t, which is sometimes forgotten in an election year, what with the high-pitched oratory on behalf of the embittered rich and people with ingrown toenails and what not. Apparently we are on the verge of losing our Second Amendment rights […]
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