Columns
From the New York Times, Time magazine, and the complete Chicago Tribune syndicated columns
From the New York Times, Time magazine, and the complete Chicago Tribune syndicated columns
Summer weather leads toward cranial relaxation and you know it and I know it. You walk out your front door into the heat and an 800-pound anvil falls out of the oak tree on your head and flattens you like a pancake. It’s the anvil you bought because it cost $150, which is a good […]
Read MoreThe word “loser” is spoken with such contempt these days, a man might like to forget the losses in his own life that taught him something about good judgment. The money he invested in that casino in Atlantic City that went bust, the university course he enrolled in that promised to teach him the secrets […]
Read MoreI saw one of my novels at a yard sale last week, and it appeared to have been used as a coaster. The interior was quite pristine, but there were rings on the cover where wet glasses had been set. It was on sale for 35 cents. Had I known I was only writing a […]
Read MoreIt is the most famous ducktail in America today, the hairdo of wayward youth of a bygone era, and it’s astonishing to imagine it under the spotlight in Cleveland, being cheered by Republican dignitaries. The class hood, the bully and braggart, the guy revving his pink Chevy to make the pipes rumble, presiding over the […]
Read MoreThe father of the graduate is a footman at the festivities, a porter, a supernumerary. Through cunning and perseverance, he has accumulated the pots of gold required to raise a girl nowadays, supply the wardrobe and the array of lotions and emollients, pay the string of retainers and therapists, foot the bill for class trips […]
Read MoreWe trooped off to the Memorial Day service in light sprinkles Monday and listened to the speeches and wished it would rain hard, for the interest. The usual themes of ancestor worship and Pax Americana, and then a moment of silence and Taps, and we dispersed, feeling we’d not honored the fallen as they deserve […]
Read MoreWhen your hearing gets so fuzzy you hear the word “peanuts” as “penis,” it’s time to stop in at the hearing-aid shop, lest one day you go to the ballgame and get arrested for indecent exposure. A reasonable man will do this. A man who prefers to live by what he imagines is a danger […]
Read MoreIt’s good to hear that Bill Clinton will be put in charge of revitalizing the economy in a Hillary administration and be sent to troubled areas such as Appalachian coal country and inner-city Detroit, and not just promote literacy or physical fitness, the usual First Lady things. But I hope that at state dinners and […]
Read MoreThe TSA lady at Nashville airport said, “Thank you, sweetheart” as she handed back my ticket and driver’s license — which sort of amazed me. Up north where I’m from, a woman would not say that to a strange man unless at gunpoint and then only reluctantly. It made me feel good. It is very […]
Read MoreEvery time Bob McDonnell talks about his corruption conviction in Virginia, he mentions how Jesus Christ is sticking with him all the way, which surely is true. Jesus does not dump a guy just because he is sleazy. The Lord has always been there for thieves and malefactors, but this is mercy; it doesn’t mean […]
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