Columns

From the New York Times, Time magazine, and the complete Chicago Tribune syndicated columns

Retribution vs. Restoration

I sat next to Ted Stevens at a Washington dinner years ago and found him unpleasant in a raspy, cartoonish way, but I was happy to see his conviction thrown out. A muddy case, a friend doing work on the senator’s house perhaps in exchange for favors in Washington, and I say, have mercy. Let […]

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Strange New World

I am a poor wayfaring stranger traveling through this world of woe, but it’s OK, I am well paid for the woe and I enjoy watching my fellow wayfarers, the road guys, the men who fly from town to town, talking on their cell phones, hustling software and industrial carpeting, advising companies on branding issues, […]

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The Poet Gets the Girl

April is Poetry Month, whatever that may mean to you, perhaps not much. Perhaps what with your nomination to be Assistant Secretary for Human Rights running into rough waters because of that silly song you sang at the company Christmas party in 1997 which has been used to make you look like an insensitive jerk, […]

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The Poetry of Spring

Spring is a time when we are one nation. In a few weeks, the South will head toward its air-conditioned caves and a cold summer chill will fall on San Francisco, but in spring and fall we are one people, more unum than pluribus, stepping gracefully to the music of photosynthesis, and not even a […]

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Victims of Class Warfare

As a member of the board of directors of the American International Group, I am pained by the hailstorm of fecal matter raining on our company for the $450 million in bonuses we are paying out to the traders in credit derivatives after receiving billions from the U.S. Treasury to rescue us from going over […]

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Disabilities and Delusions

In hard times a man must consider new options, and right now I’m thinking about going on disability. I read in the Washington Post about the wonderful deals that police in Montgomery County, Md., negotiated for themselves way back when, whereby after a few years on the force if you twist your back reaching for […]

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The Delicate Art of Brotherly Love

My brother Philip died in Wisconsin on Friday while I was in Rome, and after I got my ticket changed to fly back for the memorial service, I went into a church off the Piazza Navona and lit candles for his aching family and stood in the piazza beside a fine fountain, with lots of […]

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Cold Comfort

Some friends from the Confederacy came to visit us in St. Paul last week when the temperature was around zero and so we had to haul out electric blankets and crank the thermostat up to 68, but they still felt “chilled” and so I made them go for a walk outdoors, and when they returned, […]

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Upward and Onward

I enjoy a well-crafted obituary as much as the next man, and now that people of my own generation (what????) are appearing there, the obituary page becomes closer and closer to my heart. Yesterday I thought I might have to write one for my older brother after he slipped while skating and cracked his head […]

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The Care and Feeding of Ex-Celebrities

The new musical that’s moved into Washington — New All-Star Cast! New And Cooler Songs! Awesome Dance Numbers! — has bumped the old attractions off the avenue. The wax museum of Ann Coulter, the Fox vaudeville acts, the woofing of Rush and O’Reilly — they’re playing the VFW circuit now. When Barack and Michelle walked […]

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