Columns
From the New York Times, Time magazine, and the complete Chicago Tribune syndicated columns
From the New York Times, Time magazine, and the complete Chicago Tribune syndicated columns
I love reading Christmas newsletters in which the writer bursts the bonds of modesty and comes forth with one gilt-edged paragraph after another: “Tara was top scorer on the Lady Cougars soccer team and won the lead role in the college production of ‘Antigone,’ which by the way they are performing in the original Greek. […]
Read MoreAnd so Mr. Scrooge kept Christmas in his heart and made his clerk Bob Cratchit a partner and found an orthopedic surgeon who fixed Tiny Tim’s gimpy leg. Scrooge was a friend and benefactor to all and he also got his hair and eyebrows trimmed and bought a new suit, a blue pinstripe. People called […]
Read MoreA child is singing in the next room, calling on the faithful to come and be joyful and triumphant, as she watches a light-up snowman whose hands and feet and eyes turn green and blue and red and purple. A Santa perches on the mantle over the fireplace and two manger scenes cohabit the side […]
Read MoreAs you get older and you can afford to eat well, your metabolism shrinks to that of a common warbler. A cruel irony. That is why, at pricey restaurants, you see old coots pay $35 for a big white plate with three scallops on it and a dollop of rice and some emulsified celery. That […]
Read MoreI’m sitting under a banyan tree in Honolulu with a big glass of pomegranate juice, and the sea is glittering and surfers are skimming in on low waves, and the election is over, so let’s all relax and quit irritating each other. Okay? Nancy Pelosi, the she-wolf from Sodom, is about to become the madam […]
Read MoreSo now we have thrown some rascals out and left some rascals in power and sent some new folks to Washington to learn the art of rascality, and what in the end, after all the hoopla, will really change? Or will the town drunk continue to run the municipal liquor store? Perhaps there will be […]
Read MoreIt took me an hour to turn the clocks back an hour, coordinating all watches and digital alarm clocks and oven clock and kitchen clock and car clocks to Central Standard Time, during which a man starts to question the entire concept of promptitude, meetings, appointments, etc., which leads to thoughts of retirement, the End […]
Read MoreWe are engaged in a struggle between freedom and the forces of terror, my little macacas, and mostly I side with freedom, such as the freedom to look at big shots and stick out your tongue and blow, but of course terror has its place too. The dude strolling down our street at night does […]
Read MoreI was misunderstood growing up and have often been misunderstood since, but then so is everyone else. People are busy, and you can’t expect them to drop everything and try to understand you. If you want to be understood, practice kindness and mercy. Kindness is seldom mistaken for anything else. Small kindnesses reverberate a long […]
Read MoreOctober 12th, the traditional Columbus Day, is a day to reflect on the nature of celebrity. Columbus was a pirate and tyrant who sailed off and bumped into the Bahamas, had no idea where he was, and to his dying day believed he had reached the Indies. By the time he arrived in the New […]
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