Las Vegas, NV
May 20, 2020
Garrison Keillor hits Las Vegas with a new solo show!
April 18, 2020
Garrison Keillor comes to the Rochester Civic Theatre for a night of stories, songs, poetry, and humor. Tickets $50 and up
February 19, 2020
Garrison Keillor with Heather Masse at the Dakota. Night 2 of 2. Tickets $30+
February 18, 2020
Garrison Keillor with Heather Masse at the Dakota. Night 1 of 2. Tickets $30+
I’ve been unwanted before it’s true
And uninvited a time or two
Today I’m feeling unusually blue
I’ve been unfriended by you
The hourly updates on your activities
Your joys, your pain, your sensitivities
All of the parties you have attended
No, I’ve been unfriended
I had twenty-nine friends, an old high school buddy,
A couple of guys from Adult Bible Study,
Neighbors, and cousins, a high school classmate,
And then one morning I had sixty-eight.
The list of your friends: 3000 and growing
Three thousand folks who think you’re worth knowing
You’re a popular person, you don’t need me
You’ve got Carla and Nicholas Sarkozy
Unfriended, where can I go?
Back to the people I used to know.
The women at church, the guys at the bar,
They could try to unfriend me but I know where they are.
I offered you friendship when I saw you online
I thought you’d become a true friend of mine
You posted a comment, I thought we were close
But now I am toast.
I feel like I’m back in my high school cafeteria
And I get the cold shoulder and I’m sent to Siberia
And no one will talk to me, nobody, none,
I once was befriended but now I am Un.
How could you do it, just delete my name?
I’m not a left-winger, nor an old flame,
I’m not a stalker and you’re not a star,
But now I’ll expose you for the jerk that you are.
You know it’s inevitable that we will meet
In real time on an actual street
I’ll be so cool — OMG — how sweet.
And I’ll look away as I press delete.
Unfriended, boogers on you
You and all the friends you knew
Have just been unfriended too