Las Vegas, NV
May 20, 2020
Garrison Keillor hits Las Vegas with a new solo show!
April 18, 2020
Garrison Keillor comes to the Rochester Civic Theatre for a night of stories, songs, poetry, and humor. Tickets $50 and up
February 19, 2020
Garrison Keillor with Heather Masse at the Dakota. Night 2 of 2. Tickets $30+
February 18, 2020
Garrison Keillor with Heather Masse at the Dakota. Night 1 of 2. Tickets $30+
I’ve been reading the WikiLeaks documents
I couldn’t believe what I read
I read the cables you sent to Washington
The terrible things you said.
You told them I danced at a wedding
Gave the bride a lump of gold
And I hang out with a blonde from Ukraine
Who is 27 years old.
Baby, I’ve been good to you
And now you’re talking trash
You said I was carrying a suitcase
With 52 million in cash.
But what truly broke my heart
Was your secret directive
That I should be cut out of the loop
Because I am ineffective.
Ineffective. How subjective.
I’ve been kind to you and very protective.
I’ll hire a detective to prove its not true
I know that I’ve had a big effect on you.
Wooo wooo wooo wooo woooo
I forgive that you told the Egyptians
I’m on certain powerful prescriptions
And that you told the Israelis
I get drunk on pints of Bailey’s
I forgive that you told Hillary
That I smell like a distillery
That’s from a very selective perspective
But you think I’m ineffective????
Ha ha ha.
Baby I’ve been good to you
And this just blows my mind
It’s hard to bear but it’s all right there
On the front page of the Times
Come back to me, baby
My arms are open wide
Take off your specs, I’ve got some effects
That I have not tried.
And don’t tell anybody
Top-secret this must be
You’ve been deeply effected as no one suspected
And you are connected to me.